from “All this is a continuation of the lie, but . . . if I remain consistent, it comes close to the truth”

i          "I'm supposed to serve as a nude model for a Saint Sebastian": Ibid., 186.
i          "emotionally impossible, for how could one even": Ibid., 317.
i          "have a little toy hammer in place of a heart": Ibid., 323.
ii         "look at the floor": Ibid., 334.
ii         "its neckline is filled with tulle": Ibid., 370.
iii        "am sad that a shirt is pinching my neck, am damned": Ibid., 335.
iii        "decaying and falling over": Ibid., 319.
iii        "The Virgins etc.": Ibid., 132
iii        "bound to a tree until they turn blue": Ibid., 367.
iii        "everything can be risked": Ibid., 240.
iii        "on a beautiful horse": Ibid., 262.
iii        "this is": Ibid., 256.
iii        "not nearly so great as the lament led one to believe": Ibid., 373.
iv        "The torment": Ibid., 169
iv        "covered with filth and slime": Ibid., 257.
iv        "prolonged, inexorable dissatisfaction": Ibid., 223
iv        "Long torment." Ibid., 224.
iv        "all the torment": Ibid., 233.
iv        "because she lifted her skirts like this and like this and like this": Ibid., 239.
v          "This is how it is in all bedrooms." Ibid., 389.
v          "her hands through her hair": Ibid., 346.
v          "illuminated by the gaslight": Ibid., 120.
v          "this filth": Ibid., 382.
v          "dripping with": Ibid., 382.
v          "this wretched little happiness": Ibid., 389.
v          "this burden": Ibid., 382.
v          "this clenching:" Ibid., 256.
v          "this contempt": Ibid., 385.
vi         "Each has only the experience that his affliction grants": Ibid., 281.
vi         "but I'm afraid to write about it": Ibid., 217.
vii        "the ruin": Ibid., 371.
vii        "pacing in a ravine": Ibid., 403
vii        "the back of a chair in terror": Ibid., 122.
vii        "her skirt with my little finger": Ibid., 121.
vii        "vague surge": Ibid., 298.
vii        "red sofa": Ibid., 376.
vii        "heart palpitation": Ibid., 473
vii        "Playing with the thoughts of F": Ibid., 359
vii        "wind blows through": Ibid., 417.
vii        "noise in the next room": Ibid., 208.
vii        "we remain upright, because it relieves us": Ibid., 11.
vii        "the same spot on the floor": Ibid., 343.
vii        "the door": Ibid., 344.
vii        "the accusation": Ibid., 456.
vii        "Salvation or exacerbation": Ibid., 468.
viii       "I in my craving": Ibid., 391
viii       "to arouse historical interest": Ibid., 161.
viii       "patent leather boots": Ibid., 213.
viii       "the girl's voice in the choir": Ibid., 376.
viii       "a little ball": Ibid., 217
viii       "blown up": Ibid., 399.
viii       "like little fires": Ibid., 195.
viii       "doing needlework": Ibid., 420.
ix         "Strauss’ ‘Fruhlingsstimmen’”: Ibid., 596.
ix         "Short fainting spell": Ibid., 194.
ix         "a paw close to my face": Ibid., 149.
ix         "silhouette of": Ibid. 324.
ix         "an unshakeable judgment": Ibid., 226.
ix         "seen with small binoculars": Ibid., 568.
ix         "rainless and still": Ibid., 421.
x          "I have lost myself to F.": Ibid., 263.
x          "The window was open": Ibid., 282.
x          "the moonlight fell through": Ibid., 343.
x          "the skylight": Ibid., 343.
x          "almost": Ibid., 343.
x          "Herder’s wife": Ibid., 210.
xi         "a baby is crying": Ibid., 355.
xi         "I stand there with my evil eye": Ibid., 286.
xi         "like a bagpipe": Ibid., 408.
xi         "growing muddled": Ibid., 313.
xi         "I": Ibid., 482.
xi         "ruin": Ibid., 371.
xi         "everything that doesn't relate to literature": Ibid., 298.
xii        "Nothing else can ever satisfy me." Ibid., 286.
xii        "but the onslaught": Ibid., 298.
xii        "the all-too-great": Ibid., 129.
xii        "inner need for it": Ibid., 291.
xii        "two as I am:" Ibid., 134.
xii        "Today I got Kierkegaard": Ibid., 303.
xiii       "I mounted my horse and sat down firmly in the saddle." Ibid., 353.
xiii       "all the signs of dilettantism": Ibid., 444.
xiii       "aberrations with girls despite all headaches": Ibid., 416.
xiii       "always the same": Ibid., 440.
xiii       "rat hole of wretched ulterior": Ibid., 382.
xiii       "marriage or Berlin": Ibid., 263.
xiii       "This feeling of falseness I have when writing": Ibid., 168.
xiii       "burned by it": Ibid., 194.
xiv        "L. confessed his gonorrhea to me": Ibid., 47.
xiv        "maliciously": Ibid., 323.
xiv        "trembling like a sick animal": Ibid., 275.
xiv        "in light of:" Ibid, 326.
xiv        "ulterior motives": Ibid., 382.
xiv        "a band of little golden beads around a tanned neck": Ibid., 296.
xiv        "The other view: saved for later": Ibid., 473.
xiv        “dirty, oldish, complete stranger with wrinkled thighs": Ibid., 489.
xiv        "irretrievably abandoned": Ibid. 326.
xiv        "The third view: already forgotten.": Ibid., 473.
xv         "hovering somewhere in emptiness": Ibid., 313.
xv         "the inkwell": Ibid., 313.
xvi        "hold on to the toes of the corpse and at the same time ask forgiveness": Ibid., 165.
xvi        "in lust and defiance": Ibid., 143.
xvi        "only what happens is possible": Ibid., 326.
xvi        "everything that is possible": Ibid., 326.
xvi        "our snake tolerates": Ibid., 437.
xvi        "like a sheep that is running after this sheep": Ibid., 312.
xvii       "the story of the kiss": Ibid., 330.
xvii       "the sixth strophe of which": Ibid., 593.
xvii       "extracts his semen": Ibid., 489.
xvii       "the original sin": Ibid., 456.
xvii       "that the original sin was committed against": Ibid., 456.
xvii       "his own forehead bone": Ibid., 453.
xviii       "table music:" Ibid., 348.
xviii       "she is again the center of it all": Ibid., 358.
xviii       "torn pants": Ibid., 349.
xviii       "tribunal in the hotel:" Ibid., 347.
xviii       "asphalt like the apparatus": Ibid., 504.
xviii       "three times ": Ibid., 234.
xviii       “lamps in the asphalt as in a river": Ibid., 504.
xix        "exciting statues of saints on the Karlsbruecke": Ibid., 417.
xix        "The invention of the devil." Ibid., 223.
xix        "in a corner": Ibid., 313.
xix        "to run one little finger over one’s eyebrows": Ibid., 194.
xix        "as with a furiously torn-open tin can." Ibid., 307
xix        "striving": Ibid., p. 159.
xx         "I am lost": Ibid., 348.
xx         "I can no longer go on writing.": Ibid., 370.
xx         "I am turning into stone": Ibid., 348.
xx         "I make ghosts for myself": Ibid., 208.
xx         "I have finally made F. unhappy": Ibid., 371.
xx         "I am completely alone": Ibid., 355.
xx         "a moment I thought": Ibid., 208.
xx         "when I woke up": Ibid., 343.
xx         "I saw something real in the description of the landscape": Ibid., 208.