RHETORICAL POSITIONING OF YOURSELF
what kind of writer are you?
Maxe told me: you love language for the same reason you love people
winter solstice → but what if I ask with resentment?
YOU MAKE A DECISION
- TO BE A POET
- TO BE SOFT
- TO BE COMPASSIONATE
- TO BE IN LOVE
- TO FACE THE HURT
- TO OPEN UP YOUR BACK
- TO GROW
—inundation might be good
All this junk in my head. What’s a clear thought?
/ I’m just trying to get to the next page
/ “Affective turn”
/ A book called Depression: A Public Feeling
/ Ask me again where I feel it most in my body
/ My kindness looks garbled. I feel like I’ve aged so much in such a short amount of time.
Maybe I should start a depression journal. LOL. What would that look like? I was just thinking how I haven’t had the desire to write here. And I think—if in the journals I’m really just talking to myself—then I must not like talking to myself much? Maybe certain parts. The ones where this “I”—the one writing—feels frustrated and isolated. Well here I am writing anyway.
a language for trauma—to say it plain and then to evaporate into rhythm—is it bodiless—not the words themselves but the voice
a person gave me her pair of solar glasses when I asked just to borrow for a glimpse –
the sun is very orange seen through them
what is poetry community?
where / how is it fucked?
how to change?
Feeling a language foreign as I have been foreign to myself. As when I turned 30 and learned for the first time the Tagalog word for blue. Not azul or asul or even malungkot. It’s right there in the national anthem tinting the sky: BUGHAW.
How do I listen without waiting for an answer?
relationship with stuff that is “not” poetry
oh geez waiting anxiously for Joël at a very white restaurant that I had assumed would be more like a café
someone saying in a dream: “I can only fall when you’re there”
“writing took place that was incredibly violent”
→ Camilo describing the colonial violence of white settlers seeing and surveying the movements of indigenous people
Me saying we don’t come out of relationships/situations/dynamics unscathed
M responding: we don’t enter relationships unscathed either