Search View Archive

9 to 5-7-5: Office Haikus

We are referred to
as "cast members." Funny, I
don’t wear a mouse suit

oh cube my cube— the
commander of days spent in
nearly a pine box

these four walls cannot
contain my goals, wishes, hopes.
they are six feet high

department number
F J 6-1, cubical
eighteen sixteen C

oh bathroom scenter
why do you lie in wait and
blind me every time?

Mickey, Minnie Mouse
Donald, Daisy Duck, Pluto
I guess I am Goofy.

Anthrax in mailroom—
all circulation stops.
They don’t tell us why

Happy Birthday cakes
Farewell party pies, all make
the ‘office spread’ worse

Doing ten times more
than what I was hired for.
Please give me a raise.

I hear you wear cheap
suits and demand your minions’
full attention. Sad.

Stock prices going down
We need to raise shareholders
dividends. Why me?

Drink as much water
from the cooler as you can.
It’s the only perk.

Growing up I felt
I’d be president; now I
just want insurance

Internet habits
monitored by those who want
power over you

Pop down fifteen floors
for a cigarette; but I
usually don’t smoke

Caffeine infusion
most necessary for a
McJob. Not so good.

He said "You know more
than me" and laughed, but he
is my current boss

Federal, local
State and FICA makes me not
want to show at all.

Direct Deposit
seems a misnomer— it should
be called "already gone."

Labor like this makes
me wonder such inane things
like what is Retsyn®?

We can put a man
on the moon but we can’t fix
the temperature

Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot
oh, office, you make me wild
with want to go home.

The coffee machine
is there, hooked up; but they are
too cheap to get beans

Once, I opened a
creamer and it was thick gray
See why I look first?

There should be more choice
than sugar or Nutrasweet®
How about NüSug®?

Operation To-
morrowland is coming to
a cube near you.

Five million websites
and still not one good enough
to waste all your time.

Re-circed air puts the
best ideas to sleep, or at
least out of your head

Some days I feel I
need a defribulator
to get through the day.

Hostile takeover—
does this mean I will have to
get unemployment?

"Give me my money!
Give it back!" I suffer from
vending machine blues

Vacation Request
yet I cannot afford to
go anyplace else

The Mylar balloons
on your birthday gift remains
on earth, forever

Someone switched my chair
and it totally put a
glitch in my matrix

Comcast, Roy, Eisie
one-up capitalism
the lords of the dance

rid the hideous
newsletter and provide some
benefits for me

multi-billion in
value and stock options; yet
no toilet paper

I saw the movie
"Office Space" a few years back
I didn’t get it

I saw the movie
"Office Space" recently; I
laughed so hard I cried

Winter— walk across
the office carpet; Fuck, I
get shocked every time

To: little dancing
boxy computer icon
of MS Word: DIE!

I have stopped caring
re: your Internet spying
I’ll surf where I want

If we get "purchased"
will there be an end to the

Lobby ten a.m.
awaiting elevator
slowest in the world

Barcodes on all my
equipment, like I would steal
this outdated shit

My paycheck comes from
a land far away; they have
the Governator

Avoid hangovers?
Why? Fluorescent lighting hides
my sickly pallor

Accounting training
for the S.A.P. program
made me more of a sap

Upper management
"encourages" our study
of corporate "playbook"

Vending machine— full
of crap; kind of like the health
and "benefits" plan

Rah Rah! Overhype
employees through email— We
already work here

Co-worker and I
lamenting today: no more
office romances

I convinced myself
the matrix has me through your
promotional pen

With all my downtime
I use my powers to think
"Is this plant real/fake?"

Inter Co. email
everyone gets promoted
except those with brains

Fluorescent bulbs flick.
Inside, mysterious globs
of gray. Deadly Mold?


Annonie Mouse


The Brooklyn Rail

MAR 2004

All Issues